Paris Hilton Named New Anchor of NBC Nightly News

In a transparent attempt to compete with the naming of Katie Couric as the new CBS Evening News anchor, NBC today announced that they were replacing Brian Williams with Paris Hilton. Excited NBC executives said that they believe "Paris has the gravitas and experience necessary to read phonetically spelled words off of a teleprompter." They also believe that this will help to encourage more viewers in the desired younger demographic. General Electric, the parent company of NBC, was said to be pleased with the decision and will look forward to many more stories on fashion, partying and sex while issues such as war, torture, corruption and the military industrial complex will be rightfully left to the fringe media commonly known as the blogs.