Election Results are in for 2006

In an unusual departure from tradition, Diebold Inc. today announced the results of the 2006 congressional races months before any actual votes have been cast or tabulated. As predicted by Fox News, Republicans did surprisingly well and have not only maintained their majorities in both houses but have slightly added to their numbers. In the Senate, Republicans gained one seat with Hillary Clinton's loss to Britney Spears. In the House of Representatives Republicans gained two seats with the election of the Bush twins who eked out narrow victories over the Barbi Twins.

Ken Mehlman, a spokesperson for Diebold, said "the old way of doing elections is so archaic. This new technology from Diebold that counts the votes before they are cast saves money and time. It is the wave of the future."