Monday, September 22, 2008

The Sky is Falling Act Proposed by Comrade Bush

Washington, D.C. - Comrade Bush has convened the highest commissars from the Central Planning Committee at The White Dacha today. The commissars and The Decider are discussing the next Great Leap Backwards for the economic health of the nation. All hail the commissariat! May The Decider live for a thousand years!

Henny Penny, of The Decider’s press office, released this statement today from Our Beloved First Among Equals:

“Folks, we’re in deep doo-doo. That’s not what we call it in Texas, but you get the idea. Wall Street needs money, lots and lots of money. Right now. Right this very split-second! It’s an emergency! (I love emergencies, don’t you? It makes people forget to think straight, just like after 9/11 when Congress gave me and Dick every damn thing we asked for and then some.)

Anyway, we need The Sky is Falling Act. Right now! Don’t stop to think about, just do it! Like that teevee commercial says, just do it. Be decisive. If you’re wrong, don’t worry, history will sort it out. Besides, you’ll be dead then anyway, so who cares?”

Ms. Penny elaborated on The Sky is Falling Act saying, “Comrade Bush wants to give Secretary Paulson $700 billion* of the country’s wealth to do whatever he wants with. Secretary Paulson, and all other Treasury Secretaries after him, will be able to run America like the corporation we all know it really is.

It also makes Secretary Paulson our New Dear Leader even though he never was elected, not even once like The Decider. And, our New Dear Leader can then make whatever deals he likes, sometimes with the very same people who got us into this fine mess.”

Asked why New Dear Leader would be able to do whatever he wants with this significant chunk of the taxpayers’ assets, Ms. Penny replied, “Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.”**

Ms. Penny added, "Don't worry your little head about it. The Decider and New Dear Leader know best."***

*there are a whole lotta zeroes in $7 billion; it looks like this $700,000,000,000
**that’s the actual wording Congress will vote on.
***Contact your representatives.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, we're on fire! I have a great idea! Let's throw on some gasoline!


6:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should sue Bush for plagarism. This is almost exactly what he said.

12:19 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home