The 10 Commandments Of The New American Theocracy

The following 10 Commandments have been released by the Bush administration in concert with a coalition of Republican lawmakers and evangelical Christians in order to prepare the population of the United States for a full scale transition to Biblical governance expected to be completed sometime in 2010

1. All women must be modestly dressed when in public. Any exposure of the female body that serves to entice or create lascivious reactions in men will be a criminal offense punishable by 10 lashes.

2. Women must at all times respect the wishes and commands of their husbands or closest patriarchal figure. Failure to obey the will of the closest masculine authority is a criminal offense punishable by 10 lashes.

3. All abortion is strictly prohibited. Women and doctors who violate this commandment will face 20 years of hard labor in a federal penitentiary.

4. Be obedient and never question the authorities. Failure to obey this commandment will lead to re-education at the nearest Halliburton Luxury Spa & Resort. Repeat violators will be dealt with in a harsh but humane manner.

5. Always vote for the candidates with the officially sanctioned cross next to their names.

6. All books and reading material must be approved by the newly created Ministry of Religion and Good Citizenship. Possession of unauthorized reading material is a capital offense resulting in death by hanging or stoning.

7. All non-evangelical religions are banned. Practice of a banned religion is punishable by two days in stocks followed by renunciation of the forbidden religion.

8. Never remove your PTC (personal tracking chip) once it has been implanted. Violation of this commandment will result in a $10,000 dollar fine and one year in the federal penitentiary.

9. All citizens are now deputized representatives of the government and as such must closely observe their family, friends and neighbors for any violation of the new 10 Commandments. Those who report immoral activity will be rewarded with extra ration coupons for eggs, butter and bread.

10. Remember the Three Pillars of the new and improved America, Obedience, Passivity and Acceptance.