Belt Lines Control Stock Market

New York – Forget that old adage that womens’ hemlines control the stock market. The Dow fell below 10,000 today, crashing through the imaginary floor, going into the basement, but New York, Paris and Milan hemlines were only slightly lower than last year’s showings.

The current fashion and economic link appears to be teenage boys' belt lines.

Marcia Funebre of The Fashion Institute of Wasilla explained, “Since the George W. Bush administration teenage boys have been wearing their pants lower and lower. Most of them can hardly walk. They waddle around looking like they have full diapers. As their belt lines fell lower, the economy followed.”

Market analysts have not yet confirmed the theory that teenage boys' belt lines are controlling the stock market.

Tucker Yap, of Weir-Pore and Wurried, the former investment powerhouse, said “Hey, it’s as good a theory as any.”