America Unsurprised by New Republican Scandal
Washington, D.C.-- Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was indicted today on seven counts for not publicly disclosing hundreds of thousands of dollars he spent improving his home. The money was obtained through gifts from a private oil company. Senator Stevens claims he has never misled the American public and is innocent of all charges.
The American public, meanwhile, could not care less. “I woke up this morning and heard that there was a new scandal in the Repubican Party,” Alaskan citizen Barry Yates said. “When I found out it had nothing to do with firing people or gay sex, I just didn’t find it all that interesting.”
Fox News also saw a decline their viewership over the scandal story. “It’s a boring story,” said one Fox News executive. “The public just isn’t shocked anymore to hear about how politicians are using funds for their own expenses. A public official would have to shoot someone to make a headline now... wait, no, that’s been done already.”