Bush To Place Democrats Under House Arrest On Election Day

Washington, D.C. - Assimilated Press has learned, through high-level sources in the White House, that President George W. Bush has signed an executive order that will place all registered Democratic voters under house arrest for a twenty-four hour period beginning on election day, November 4, 2008.

This highly charged move and unique political strategy was proposed to the president during a closed and highly secret meeting in the Oval Office which was attended by Vice President Dick Cheney, Cheney's Chief of Staff David Addington, law professor John Yoo, Karl Rove and Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.

The stated purpose of the executive order is to protect the American people from external and internal threats by ensuring that a Republican president is elected and that Republicans regain both houses of congress. Both Scalia and Yoo addressed the legal issues involved as they voiced their support of this radical move to detain millions of people in their homes while depriving them of their right to vote.

John Yoo spoke first and said, "Der Leader ist clearly empowered to protect Das Vaterland by any and all means as long as he is a faithful member of Die Partei Republican."

Antonin Scalia added, "We are in a time of war and this decision falls well within the president's power to do what is necessary to protect us. Sieg Heil...er, I mean, have a nice day."