Dick Cheney Has Pictures Of Senator Reid & Ann Coulter

Washington, D.C. - All of Washington is abuzz with rumors that Vice President Dick Cheney is in possession of photographs showing Senator Harry Reid of Nevada and Republican columnist Ann Coulter engaging in unusual sexual acts that involve farm animals and artificial dessert toppings. People who have viewed the pictures said they were extremely graphic and that they felt personally violated and sickened by them. One reporter from Reuters said, "What Harry Reid and Ann Coulter did with that chicken I did not think was humanly possible."

Confirming the story, representatives of Ann Coulter told Assimilated Press that "although Miss Coulter has had sex with many farm animals, she has never before had sex with a Democrat. However, in the service of her country and for purposes of national security, Miss Coulter acquiesced to a request from the Vice President to seduce the Majority Leader after he was secretly given a date rape drug by an aid from Senator Mitch McConnell's office."

The actions of Vice President Cheney and Ann Coulter proved decisive. Shortly after news of the pictures broke, Senator Reid gave President Bush everything he asked for in the FISA bill when he overrode objections from members of his own party and took the highly unusual action of stating that he would allow a vote to proceed that would give major corporations amnesty for breaking the law and violating the rights of millions of Americans.

When questioned about his sudden capitulation to President Bush, Reid denied that it had anything to do with the rumored pictures as he aggressively defended his actions by saying, "Look, the telecom companies give me a lot of cash and they expect results. This is not about sex. It's about money. As my good friend Nancy Pelosi says, 'If you want to play, you've got to pay.' It's that simple."