New York Times Makes Rupert Murdoch Co-Publisher

New York, New York - Continuing its rapid decline from its prominent position as the leading "paper of record" and shortly after its disclosure that it has hired William "The Bloody" Kristol as a columnist, the New York Times announced today that it is bringing in Rupert Murdoch to be co-publisher alongside current publisher Arthur "Pinch" Sulzberger whose main qualification for the position was his relationship to the previous publisher, his father.

Also, in another startling disclosure, Pinch Sulzberger admitted that Murdoch has been his personal mentor for the last six years and during that time has offered him daily advice that included support for disgraced Times' reporter Judy Miller and the Times' now discredited coverage of the Iraq war.

Commenting on the new arrangement at the New York Times and his relationship with Murdoch, Sulzberger said "Rupert Murdoch is my role model and my idol. I love him the way a puppy dog loves its master. I love it when he rubs my belly. All I want to do is lick his face all day long."

There was no comment from Murdoch. However, Assimilated Press has learned that the right-wing tabloid publisher has confided to friends that his blueprint for world domination was going according to plan and may even be ahead of schedule.