Senator Harry Reid Sells Soul To Lucifer & George W. Bush
Washington, D.C. - Today, in a small private ceremony in a dark smoke-filled back room in the Capital Building, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid signed a binding contract in which he voluntarily sold his eternal soul to Lucifer and Lucifer's Washington representative, President George W. Bush.
Sources close to Senator Reid have told Assimilated Press that, according to the contract, Reid exchanged his soul for a luxury villa in Argentina, a numbered Swiss bank account and a guarantee that he will live to the ripe old age of 150.
Assimilated Press has also learned that negotiations for this contract have been ongoing since the Democrats took control of Congress and that to show he was acting in good faith, Reid agreed to function during this period before the contract was signed as if it were in full effect which is why every piece of legislation that Lucifer has presented to Congress through his agent, George W. Bush, has passed since the Democrats took control of Congress.
Lucifer is set to celebrate another victory in the next few days when his FISA bill granting amnesty to major telecommunications companies that engaged in criminal acts against the people of the United States and the Constitution is set to pass. This FISA bill with Telecom amnesty was written by other agents of Lucifer including Senator Jay Rockefeller and Vice President Cheney,
In proclaiming his satisfaction with purchasing yet another soul in the nation's capital, Lucifer said, "I've been in the soul buying business for a long time but it still amazes me how quickly these cheap politicians are willing to throw away all of their principles and betray their constituents. And what do they get in return? Usually more power, some pieces of silver, a few whores and a longer life."
Commenting on the deal, Tim Russert of NBC News said, "In signing this contract, Senator Reid joins a long list of prominent people, including myself and several members of the Supreme Court, who have made similar deals. That is why I salute him and say welcome to the team."