Clinton, Obama Hire Whirling Dervishes

San Francisco, California - Immediately after tallying the delegates won during the Super Tuesday, mega-primaries, both the campaigns of Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama announced separately today they had each hired a whirling dervish as a consultant. Whirling dervishes, noted for their ability to twirl for hours in one spot without stopping or getting dizzy, are thought to bring vast expertise and experience to the art of the spin.

“We need someone who can put forth the idea that although Sen. Clinton won a smaller number of overall states, the states she did win were huge and muscular. Those few great big states are better than all those itty-bitty teensy-tiny wimpy little states put together,” said a spokesman for the Clinton campaign. Sen. Barack Obama, speaking of his decision to hire a consulting whirling dervish, said, “We have more states, even if they are smaller states. We need to get the message out that more is more and size doesn’t matter.”

In a related story, Republican Mitt Romney, in a last ditch attempt to keep his campaign hopes alive, was rumored to be speaking with spin consultants from The Gyroscope Corporation but alas, even the Gyroscope Corporation couldn't keep Mitt's hopes alive.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko