Saturday, February 09, 2008

Clinton, Obama Hire Whirling Dervishes

San Francisco, California - Immediately after tallying the delegates won during the Super Tuesday, mega-primaries, both the campaigns of Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama announced separately today they had each hired a whirling dervish as a consultant. Whirling dervishes, noted for their ability to twirl for hours in one spot without stopping or getting dizzy, are thought to bring vast expertise and experience to the art of the spin.

“We need someone who can put forth the idea that although Sen. Clinton won a smaller number of overall states, the states she did win were huge and muscular. Those few great big states are better than all those itty-bitty teensy-tiny wimpy little states put together,” said a spokesman for the Clinton campaign. Sen. Barack Obama, speaking of his decision to hire a consulting whirling dervish, said, “We have more states, even if they are smaller states. We need to get the message out that more is more and size doesn’t matter.”

In a related story, Republican Mitt Romney, in a last ditch attempt to keep his campaign hopes alive, was rumored to be speaking with spin consultants from The Gyroscope Corporation but alas, even the Gyroscope Corporation couldn't keep Mitt's hopes alive.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The process of nominating and electing a president in this so-called democracy would be hilarious if it weren't so pathetic. If more people actually understood that their vote doesn't actually have much to do with the nominations or the election, maybe we could finally ditch this confusing and unfair nominating process and that stupid Electoral College. Caucuses, party conventions, super delegates,etc., etc., are just too silly.

I think I'd prefer living in more of a democracy than this representative republic we have now. One person, one vote, period.

/end rant.


8:20 AM  

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