Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Tax Cuts Cure Cancer

Washington, D.C. - Data was released yesterday by researchers at Regent University claiming tax cuts cure cancer. Professor O'Reilly Limbaugh Smith, holder of the Jerry Falwell Chair in Evolutionary Mythology, said "We knew tax cuts were powerful, but even we didn't know they were this good."

Tax cuts, long considered an alternative to traditional measures, have enjoyed wider acceptance in mainstream practice in the past few years. Tax cuts are now used routinely in areas where, in the past, using tax cuts would have been considered far too risky.

For proponents of tax cut use, the increasing application of tax cuts to the ills of society only confirms what they have believed for years. Marcia Funebre, author of the book, 365 Ways to Use Tax Cuts! said "I'm happy tax cuts are finally getting the recognition they deserve. Tax cuts are good for everything. For example, most people wouldn't dream of using tax cuts if they had war. But, they would be wrong because tax cuts would fix that war right up! And, don't forget about tax cuts later on when you need to get those pesky bloodstains out of the budget."

Ms. Funebre continued in her praise of tax cuts by saying, "I'm not at all surprised to find out tax cuts cure cancer. I knew tax cuts could cure what ails you. I always tell people that if I were stranded on a desert island, as long as I had an adequate supply of tax cuts, I'd be just fine."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko


Anonymous Lilith who does not go to church EVER said...

What? I thought tithing to my megachurch was suppose to prevent cancer.... well that's what the pastor said last Sunday!

11:24 PM  

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