A Vote For Me Is A Vote For Change

Citizens of Cyberland, my good friends, I've come here tonight to ask you to vote for me, because a vote for me is a vote for change. Vote for me and together we can make that change happen.

On a personal note, I just want to share with you my commitment to change. For example, when driving my fuel-efficient hybrid car made out of 100% post-consumer use recycled toilet paper I always, and I mean always, change lanes. When taking public transportation often I change buses. When I watch t.v. I constantly change channels.

At home we've tried to teach our children the importance of change and I am very proud to say they now change their underwear on a routine basis. When they want money they don't ask for stock options, instead they say "Oh, please, can't we just have some change?"

Tonight I've had the pleasure of meeting many of you. I've heard you, I've listened, and I know how very much you want change; that's why tonight I am rededicating my campaign to repeating the word "change" at every opportunity.

This then is my promise to you: vote for me and everything you want changed will be changed. Our foes will change into friends. Mexico will change into Canada. The deficit will change into surplus right after we change straw into gold. Vote for me and together we'll change the law of gravity so that each and every American is able to fly.

And, friends, I know that voting for me is the right thing to do because Jesus is in my prayers. Jesus is in my heart, and Jesus is in my bones and in my blood and in my parathyroid gland.

Thank you. God bless.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko