Sunday, January 20, 2008

House To Vote On Resolution 666

Washington, D.C. - On December 06, 2007 Rep. Steven King (R-IA) introduced House Resolution 847 that "recognizes the Christian faith as one of the great religions of the world; expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide; acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith; acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization; rejects bigotry and persecution directed against Christians, both in the United States and worldwide; and expresses its deepest respect to American Christians and Christians throughout the world."

Soon after on December 18, 2007, Rep. James Forbes (R-VA) introduced House Resolution 888 "Affirming the rich spiritual and religious history of our Nation's founding and subsequent history and expressing support for designation of the first week in May as `American Religious History Week' for the appreciation of and education on America's history of religious faith." Recently, other religions have been getting into the affirmative mood as well.

House Resolution 5768 "affirms that Judaism is the basis of monotheism and the foundation of both Christianity and Islam; encourages and supports the study of Judaism in all public schools, including state universities; expresses support for the designation of the last week of April as "Foundations of American Religious History Week."

House Resolution 70 "affirms that Islam forbids bacon and therefore lowers cholesterol; recognizes that Islam has done more to protect virginity than any other major world religion thus significantly lowering world-wide HIV incidence; expresses support for Islam to be designated 'The Healthy Faith' and for the posting of the Five Pillars of Islam and explanatory text in all school gymnasiums and classrooms where health education instruction occurs."

House Resolution 1947 "affirms that Hinduism has more world-wide adherents than Christianity and Islam combined and therefore expresses support that Hinduism is declared the 'We're Number One! Faith;' recognizes that all sessions of Congress shall begin with a Vedic incantation as befits a pluralistic nation."

House Resolution 666 "affirms Satan, being a major figure in Christianity, is acknowledged as having a formative role in the establishment of the slavery that provided the economic basis for the founding of the United States of America; recognizes that Satan continues to aid the American economy through alcohol sales, tobacco sales, gambling profits, illegal drug trafficking and prostitution, along with other manners of vice; therefore, the day currently known as 'Saturday' shall be renamed 'Satanday,' such terminology change to be effective on all government calendars January 1, 2012."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

huckabee scares me more than any of the others. he would do his best to wipe out whats left of the constitution and make this a theocracy. he looks like a regular guy and he sounds like the best of the bunch but hes very dangerous

6:18 AM  
Anonymous Bentley Ptythylhlyl said...

Either these jokers didn't get the memo, or it was lost somewhere in the 1,776 pages of "misplaced" White House emails. 666 is a corruption of a 3rd century Greek text. The Number of the Beast is 616. Do you suppose they're getting their information from the Congressional Budget Office?

8:57 PM  

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