Supreme Court OKs Express Line For Republican Voters

Washington, D.C. - In a long anticipated decision, the Supreme Court ruled that states could implement express lines for Republican voters who are overwhelmingly white while Democrats, minorities and older Americans will be forced to wait in long lines, produce three different forms of identification, pledge allegiance to the country and swear on a Christian bible that they are Americans and not illegal immigrants before being allowed to cast their ballots.

In announcing this decision Chief Justice Roberts, who was joined in the decision by Justices Scalia, Alito, Thomas and Kennedy, said, "We were put here by the Republican Party to protect the interests of the Republican Party and their corporate sponsors and that's what we're going to do. I'll be damned if I am going to allow Democrats, coloreds and wetbacks to have the same rights as God-fearing white Christian Republicans."