Kiefer Sutherland & Britney Spears Tie The Knot

Malibu, California - Shortly after being released from the Malibu Haliburton Luxury Spa & Resort where he was being treated for exhaustion and inappropriate public behavior, Kiefer Sutherland appeared with Britney Spears at the grand opening of Malibu's first Jack Bauer 24 Torture Salon.

Sutherland and Spears passed out coupons for a free "get acquainted" visit to the salon and demonstrated some of its state of the art US government surplus equipment such as racks, whips, hanging hooks, deprivation chambers, ice baths and other assorted delights for sadomasochists who are anxious to expand their recreational endeavors while learning the latest techniques used by the Bush administration.

In a crowd pleasing climax to the opening event, Kiefer Sutherland tied Britney Spears to a wooden plank and poured water over her face until she promised that she would never release another CD or sing in public again.