McCain Selects Jack Bauer For Running Mate

Washington, D.C. - Senator John McCain today officially selected Jack Bauer from the FOX television program 24 to be on his ticket as the Republican vice presidential candidate.

In choosing Jack Bauer to be his running mate, McCain said, "Jack Bauer and I share the same policies and are both willing to do what it takes to make the Fatherland safe from enemies both foreign and domestic. Also, like Jack, I am a man of action and I will not let silly things like the Constitution and Geneva Convention get in the way as I continue the policies of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and John Yoo into the next administration."

McCain's decision was immediately heralded as a bold, courageous and brilliant choice by media pundits. Chris Matthews of MSNBC said, "Does this guy McCain have balls or does he have balls? I love this guy. I mean, I really, really love this guy. Hell, I would leave my wife in a minute if I could shack up with a maverick like McCain."

David Broder of the Washington Post said, "By choosing Jack Bauer to be his running mate McCain has shown the world he is the only grownup in the race and the only one deserving of the White House."

In response to several queries, McCain said that Jack Bauer's status as a fictional character would not make him any less suitable for public office.