Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Bill O'Reilly Defiles A Devastated Ann Coulter

New York, New York - In what is destined to become one of the most replayed moments in television history, Fox News personality, Bill O'Reilly, regurgitated a bacon and onion cheeseburger into the unsuspecting face of conservative commentator, Ann Coulter, during a live telecast of The O'Reilly Factor. A shocked Coulter then broke into tears and bolted from the studio leaving O'Reilly with several minutes to kill before the next commercial break. A visibly shaken O'Reilly used the time to blame Bill Clinton for the influenza epidemic of 1919, Hillary Clinton for women's suffrage, Al Gore for cholesterol, and Keith Olbermann for the end of Western civilization.

As news of the incident spread, demand for downloads of the infamous video clip soon escalated to stratospheric levels with two of the world's premiere video sites, YouTube and Crooks and Liars reporting record amounts of traffic. YouTube even had to resort to backup servers to handle the massive increase in bandwidth consumption. Within four hours, the O'Reilly/Coulter video clip had already become the most popular file ever downloaded on the Internet.

Ann Coulter has been under heavy sedation since the trauma occurred and has not been available for comment.


Anonymous planetsean said...

I'm immediately sending poor Ann a Bacon & Onion Cheeseburger with a large side of spot remover.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Alpha Beta said...

Actually O'Reilly's actions are understandable. Coulter does that to a lot of people.

10:47 AM  
Anonymous pinko said...

According to French news agencies Ms. Coulter has contacted Dr. Jean-Michel Dubernard. Dr. Dubernaud led the team that successfully transplanted the face of a French woman in 2005. Sources close to Dr. Dubernaud say that the doctor is concerned about Ms Coulter's chances for recovery. Doctor Dunbernaud released a statement that said, "With the other case, only a dog chewed off a face. Here, the amount of venom and bile spewed out by the assailant have caused damage to everything it touched."

3:11 PM  
Blogger Not Quite Stillwater said...

Fantasizing about Annie? What kind of perverts are you.
I'm perfectly straight, but if I was threatened with waterboarding if I didn't have sex with O'Reilly or Coulter, I'd definitely choose Billy.
On second thought, maybe I should just take the waterboarding.

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's put it this way.

If Ann Coulter ever got laid by anyone reasonably decent in her life, she probably wouldn't be the miserable bitch she is today.

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you should consider offering her your services.

12:58 AM  
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11:37 AM  

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