Friday, September 15, 2006

Republican Party Offers Free TV Sets In Exchange For Votes

Washington, D.C. - In a move that is seen by many as both desperate and brilliant, the Republican National Committee is offering a free television set to each registered voter who signs a pledge to vote for Republican candidates in this November's elections.

This highly unusual promotion has drawn heavy criticism from Democrats who say it is a blatant attempt to influence the election by unethical means. However, this view was disputed by Ken Mehlman, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, who defended the "One TV for One Vote Program" by saying, "This isn't about buying votes. It's about showing our appreciation to each and every voter. If the Democratic party wants to deny free television sets to the American people, then I would say that is just one more reason to vote Republican this November."

Mehlman also announced that Ohio Secretary of State Kenneth Blackwell would be put in charge of the TV giveaway because of his extensive experience in the supervision of elections. As for the television sets, they are the latest 19 inch cable ready Zenith models but they do come with one limitation. They are preprogrammed to allow the viewing of only two channels, Fox News and a special bonus channel that broadcasts the Disney/ABC docudrama The Path to 9/11 twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

Registered voters who would like to take advantage of the "One TV for One Vote Program" should contact the local Republican Party headquarters in their area and request the "One TV for One Vote" pledge form.

6 Comments:

Anonymous FancyDancer said...

Virt, you're just one step ahead of Rove who is taking notes, I'm sure.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Republicans have come under fire by union leaders for importing these television sets from China. Mr. Mehlman was able to still the controversy when he explained that these were specially-engineered televisions that allowed for two-way viewing, enabling the watcher to be watched. Currently, sets with this feature are not routinely manufactured in the U.S. When asked by reporters who would be watching the television viewers and why this is considered desirable, Mr. Mehlman declined to answer citing national security concerns and "the global war on IslamofascioDemocrat terrorism."

2:18 PM  
Blogger FaulknA said...

Guess there'll be no more masurbating in front of the television after I get my free TV.

6:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The real campaign strategy is

=a> href=”http://notquitestillwater.blogspot.com/2006/09/el-nino-is-coming.html"<

8:30 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

Will you be able to even get porn on these TV's?

Oh wait..they don't mind porn, they just pretend they don't like it to suck up to their base..

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Bob W said...

Well actually, Dusty, as self serving as your cute qwip is, it's not "correct." Even though humans will violate standards (moral, ethical, legal, logical), Republicans keep the STANDARD and find fault with the person. That's why Republicans are rejected when things like this are exposed.
Democrats keep their honor and respect for the person and find fault with the standard (only if the person is a Democrat, of course).
So again, when a Republican commits say, adultry, breaking your sworn promise to God and another person remains wrong; and the PERSON is not permitted to deny wrongdoing.
When it's a Democrat, we have to stop making such a big deal of sworn promises to God and spouse. Betrayal and dishonesty must not be "stigmatized". If a Democrat does it, it is not wrong; because they are never guilty of doing wrong.
Democrats want someone "just like them" to be President; because they all believe themselves to be above any criticism.
Me, I want someone BETTER than me for President. I don't WANT a reality where I am the best there is.
I guarantee you, my world has far more potential than yours.

6:13 PM  

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