Apple Pie Declared Un-American

Madison, Wisconsin - Americans are reacting with outrage to a recent study by the University of Wisconsin that showed that the all American apple pie is anything but American. The reason for this startling claim is simple. In the last ten years most of this nation's apple pie manufacturing capability has moved offshore to take advantage of the cheap labor and relaxed regulatory climate found in other countries. The largest producers of apple pies are now China, Bangladesh and Mauritania. This has left the American apple pie industry in near total devastation and has resulted in the loss of hundreds of thousands of jobs.

The American Apple Pie Association, responding to the financial hardship of its members, has issued a desperate appeal to Congress in which they request immediate relief in the form of a tariff on all imported apple pies. They have also demanded that authorities put an end to the unfair dumping of underpriced apple pies that are imported from China and then sold through giant retail outlets such as Wal-Mart and Target.

In addition, a number of consumer advocates have expressed displeasure over the deceptive advertising that is being used in the selling of these imported apple pies. They have pointed out that many of these apple pies come with labels that prominently display the American flag and a picture of "mom" giving the consumer the false impression that they are homemade by someone's mother here in America rather than mass produced in a factory on the outskirts of Shanghai.

The Chinese government, recognizing that their lucrative apple pie market could be endangered by public anger and congressional action, has hired the public relations firm of Hill & Knowlton to redefine the issue and also reduce the possibility of any punitive legislation. They also unveiled a slogan that will be the theme of a new advertising campaign. The slogan is "Buying Chinese is the all American thing to do."

In announcing their new strategy, Victoria Clark, a senior manager at Hill & Knowlton, confidently said "With a big enough advertising budget, we could convince people that manure tastes like apple pie a la mode."