CIA Denies Hiring Hostages

McLean, Virginia - The CIA today denied earlier reports that the agency was hiring hostages to be captured by Iran. "This was a misunderstanding on the part of the press office," said a senior agency official who wished to remain nameless for security reasons. "The CIA is always looking for recruits, fresh blood if you will. But we have no intention of planting hostages in Iran to try to start a war."

Questioned if this was the definitive word on the subject, the official strongly urged that all prior information be disregarded. "We wouldn't do something like planting hostages or fabricating incidents or altering intelligence. That's about as crazy as trying to destabilize Cuba by sprinkling powder in Fidel Castro's shoes to make his beard fall out," the official added, laughing.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko