Sunday, June 17, 2007

Harry Truman Last President To Have Balls

Palo Alto, California - Stanford University scientists have established that Harry Truman, America's 33rd President, was the last president to have testicles. The scientists were completing the DNA sequencing of all presidents when they noticed a trend. "While John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Baines Johnson had testicles they could best be described as vestigial", said Dr. Gene Nettucks, Stanford Professor of Biotechnology. "Bill Clinton, noted for his extramarital exploits, appears to have a fully-functioning anatomy but his testicular strength is quite atrophied, as witnessed by his many compromises and centrist stances while president."

Professor Nettucks explained that Clinton is not alone in that all presidents from Truman on have shown testicular atrophy. "Most recent presidents were beholden to some interest, whether corporate or military. In some cases, the presidents were beholden to their political party or those with great special interest bloc voter influence. Either way, someone had them by the short hairs and this constant pressure appears to have harmed them irreparably" said Dr. Nettucks.

Asked whether any of the current crop of candidates, including Sen. Hillary Clinton, had the necessary testicular fortitude to be president, Dr. Nettucks said, " We don't know about Bill Richardon yet. Richardson may have some testicular potential, again, like Bill Clinton probably only vestigial, but better than nothing at all. But, for the rest, I would be very surprised at finding true, actual testicles on any of them."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko


Anonymous Homeland Security said...

Sounds like the truth to me. I know I can depend on you to bring me the real news no one else will. Thanks,
Homeland Security

3:50 PM  

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