Sunday, June 10, 2007

Republican Candidates Eat Vegetarian

Boise, Idaho - In an attempt to show how tough they are, all nine declared candidates for the Republican presidential nomination and former senator Fred Thompson ate a vegetarian.

The meal was prepared by guest chiefs David Broder and Brit Hume and was televised live on Fox News in place of a regularly scheduled debate. Commenting on the unusual change in programming, Rupert Murdoch said, "Debates are boring. We needed something new and exciting to spark our viewer's interest while showing off our fine field of Republican candidates."

The vegetarian was a young woman named Patricia Owens who had last been seen shouting anti-Iraq war slogans at an outdoor photo-op by President Bush before she was led away in handcuffs by the secret service.

Ms. Owens was lightly seasoned with rosemary and chives and then slow roasted over an open fire. She was served with a giblet gravy and mashed potatoes.

All of the candidates and Fred Thompson had seconds. Senator John McCain seemed to particularly enjoy the meal and was seen smiling as he gnawed on a femur bone.

Media response and instant polling showed a favorable reaction from the public who now said, by a ten to one margin, that Republicans are tougher and are much more likely to kill and eat their adversaries than Democrats.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's like a Junior High School edition of The Onion - keep up the mediocre work!

10:19 AM  

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