Friday, March 23, 2007

Washington Press Corps Searching For Missing Testicles

Washington, D.C. - Police departments in Washington, D.C. and the surrounding area today received an all points bulletin alerting them to be on the lookout for a duffel bag containing dozens of testicles that have allegedly been stolen from the Washington Press Corps. The testicles have been missing for over six years and their owners have put out an urgent request for their retrieval.

Speaking for the entire Washington Press Corps, Terry Moran of ABC News said, "We in the press have always been able to live with the shame of being complete shills for the Bush administration and the Republican Party because the money and perks have been so good. But, now that we have been exposed as hacks without any sense of ethics, the humiliation is too great. I want my balls back. We all want our balls back."

Law enforcement officials, in an attempt to get the public to aid in their search for the missing testicles, have announced that they are on the lookout for an overweight bald man wearing glasses who was spotted at the scene of the crime carrying a duffel bag with the monogrammed initials KR. This suspect is presumed to be dangerous and should be approached with caution.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


6:11 AM  
Blogger Virt said...

Thanks, Anonymous! At Assimilated Press our goal is 100% accuracy.

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Geeze... after six years?!?! You think they're still any good??? And besides, its the Washington Press Corp's testicles. So they had to be very, very small to begin with.

So what's the point?

12:35 AM  

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