Exxon Mobil Acquires 3 Additional Senators & 1 Supreme Court Justice

Irving, Texas - Exxon Mobil today announced the successful acquisition of three US senators and one Supreme Court justice. Discussions regarding this acquisition had been held up until a price and bonus package could be agreed upon by all parties.

Commenting on the prolonged negotiations, I. M. Waistfull, a high ranking executive at Exxon Mobil said "Purchasing a senator or a judge is a lot more difficult than it used to be. A few years back all you had to do was buy them a house, give them a suitcase filled with cash and promise them a seat on the board of directors when they left office. Now, they want stock options, trusts for their children and vacation homes in Hawaii. Still, all in all, it is a great return on our investment. No doubt about that."

This latest addition of political assets means that Exxon Mobil now owns controlling interest in 58 senators and 5 Supreme Court justices.