Thumb War to Declare Presidential Candidate

As the number of primaries dwindle and the ongoing battle between Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barak Obama continues, the Democratic Party announced they will have a thumb war to decide who wins the candidacy for the 2008 Presidential Election. As one Party official stated, "We thought about having a good ol' fashioned game of rock, paper, scissors, but it just seemed too arbitrary."

The Party has yet to announce when the Thumb War will occur, but the candidates are already beginning to train for the event. Hillary Clinton has posed for many pictures with her thumbs up, both an effort to strengthen her thumb muscles and intimidate Obama; meanwhile, Obama is working on his thumb endurance as he sits with his hands clasped with his thumbs propping up his chin. As predicted, the nation is divided over who will win the contest.

In other matters, the Party is now debating over whether or not to begin the Thumb War with the chant "One, two, three, four, I Declare a Thumb War" or "Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Try to Keep Your Thumb Straight," as either saying could possible anger voters who identify as gay and lesbian or anti-war.