Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The Resurrection Of Mel

Malibu, California - On the third day after his arrest, Mel Gibson has arisen from his drunken hate-filled, obscenity-laced, misogynistic, anti-Semitic rants as a new man, reborn, repentant and cleansed of all sin. This new improved Mel, formulated, processed and fabricated by Hill & Knowlton, one of the best known marketing and public relations firms in the world, is a vastly upgraded version that no longer carries the baggage of his pre-resurrection life.

The freshly arisen Mel, in a gesture of solidarity with the Jewish people, has been circumcised and has taken to drinking Manischewitz wine in place of Tequila. He has also adopted a strict kosher diet with a particular fondness for kreplach. Furthermore, in his next project he will play Tevya in a Malibu production of Fiddler on the Roof.

Said Victoria Clark of Hill & Knowlton, "That Mel, he is such a mensch."


Anonymous Pinko said...

And in the morning joy cometh for lo! Mel is as a new man.
His heart is as a new heart,
His mind is as a new mind,
His words are as new words.
The mountains they skip like rams,
the hills like lambs,
for the world is not as it was,
and nothing that went before is to be as what comes after,
and Mel crieth out from his bowels and says "I'm sorry, okay?! Geez, you people..."

6:00 PM  
Blogger FaulknA said...

Circumcised? Is that like supersized?

9:41 AM  
Blogger nunya said...

oy vey, the distraction contraption that is the US media

5:39 PM  

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