Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Wal-Mart To Offer Outpatient Surgery In New Superstores

Bentonville, Arkansas - Wal-Mart, the world's leading retailer, today said it was expanding into the field of health care. As of August 1, customers can elect to have outpatient surgery as part of their shopping experience. At first, simple to moderate procedures such as appendectomies, orthopedic reconstruction and child birth will be performed. However, by the start of next year, Wal-Mart plans to move into more complex surgical procedures as they add heart and neurosurgery to the selection available to shoppers.

Wal-Mart spokesperson Rupert Roberts said, "We feel that by offering this new expansion into health care we will be providing an essential service at a substantial discount, and with the usual Wal-Mart quality that customers have come to expect."

All surgery will be performed by qualified physicians who will be assisted by the courteous Wal-Mart staff. As always, you get the guaranteed lowest prices at Wal-Mart.


Blogger Cranky Daze said...

Oh for pity's sake.

Walmart's Discount Hospital, Household & Auto Supply (No appointment needed)

"Save time and money. We can remove your appendix and rotate your tires at the same time. Relax on our 100% cotton sheets (Only $10.99 for a limited time)in pastel colors, and enjoy a tasty burger from our food court as you recover. Most insurance plans and Visa cards accepted."

I'd say I've heard it all now, but I'm sure I haven't.

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Pinko said...

Wall Street Journal

In a bid to garner market share in the increasingly competitive "cut and run" sector, J.C. Penney today announced that it will begin performing corneal transplants and Lasix laser surgery in the optical departments of 73 retail outlets.

J.C. Penney announced that this would be the first step to introducing comprehensive vision services in all its stores.
"We intend to be the one-stop shopping choice of Americans with vision needs, whether it's a new pair of fashionable sunglasses or treatment of macular degeneration," stated May Seymour, Vice President of Opticals.

Analysts view this as a bold attempt by J.C. Penney to expand into an area currently dominated by retail surgery giant, Wal-Mart, although opinions were mixed as to whether J.C. Penney would be able to establish itself in this market for the long-term.

9:05 PM  
Anonymous Pinko said...

Virt, I love your blog. Keep up the fantastic work; I look forward to reading it every day.

9:10 PM  

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