Friday, November 10, 2006

Finally A Plan: Rumsfeld To Lead Insurgents In Iraq

Washington, D.C. - In a rare moment of bipartisanship, Democrats and Republicans are uniting behind a plan to send former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to Iraq to lead the insurgents in their battle against American troops. The thinking behind this new approach is that Rumsfeld will do for the insurgents what he did for American fighting forces, namely reduce their capacity and effectiveness while increasing casualties.

In a joint news conference, Congressman Jack Murtha and Former Secretary of State James Baker laid out this innovative proposal to the assembled press core. Said Murtha, "Rumsfeld has been a miserable failure as a Secretary of Defense. He sent our troops into battle without the proper gear and armor. He has consistently lied to the American people and his strategy has only created more terrorists, not less. The best thing we can do is send him to Baghdad and have him work for the other side."

James Baker agreed and added, "There comes a time when each individual must ask what they can do for their country. For Rumsfeld, the answer is easy. He must go to Iraq and lead the fight against our occupation. That is where his arrogance and incompetence can benefit America the most."

Assimilated Press has been told by high ranking officials at the Pentagon that this plan is gaining support from career soldiers who believe that it could lead to an American victory over the Rumsfeld led Iraqi insurgents in less than two years time.


Anonymous pinko said...

The New York Times, Nov. 10, 2006

New Leadership Export Initiative

President Bush and presumptive Speaker of the House Pelosi today issued a joint announcement regarding a bold new leadership initiative in which the United States would reach out and share the expertise of its leaders with the rest of the world.

Expected to be fully funded in January 2007 when the 110th Congress takes office, the new program to be known as "No Deposit, No Return", will send American leaders to those countries where America feels they will do the most good.

The first leader to to take part in the new program will be former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (Assimilated Press, Nov 10, 2006, "Rumsfeld to Lead Insurgents in Iraq.")

Several other leaders are being mentioned in connection with No Deposit, No Return.

Michael Brown, former head of FEMA, is slated to be sent to The People's Republic of China's Ministry of Finance and Economic Development (Assimilated Press, 10/24/06 "China Demands Florida and Texas in Place of Debt")

President Bush will be in charge of North Korea's Nukular Development.

Vice President Cheney will be Special Envoy to Hades.

6:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rummy is desperate to be a winner for a change. He was the architect of the humiliating exit from Vietnam, failed in Iraq as Defense Secretary. IF HE JOINED THE INSURGENTS HE WOULD FINALLY BE ON A WINNING SIDE. HE'S BEEN ON THE WHINING SIDE FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS. SO, YOUR POSTULATION MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO ME.

10:33 AM  
Blogger Minor Ripper said...

yeah I loved yesterday's Dowd column and pretty much think it is spot on. Reality has finally crept into W's world, and the shocking thing is that it took a haymaker punch right in the kisser in the form of an electoral humiliation for him to begin to face up...I am hopeful with Baker involved.

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's just rename the DOD back to the Department of War.

We can let Rummy and his ilk run the grand oil party to oblivion..

3:47 PM  
Blogger jurassicpork said...

It'll be a fucking cakewalk! We could do this for just over a billion and the American troops in the Green Zone will greet Rummy as a liberator!


6:55 PM  
Blogger Gourney DetoureĀ© said...

Redrum Rummy in charge of the insurgents? They're finished.

His first speech to them was, 'You don't go to war with the insurgents you wish to go with the unknown knowns in hope of becoming unknown unknowns...'

9:24 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

too much, I put in my Veterans Post that was my send Cheney and Rummy over to Iraq and keep those fuckwits there until every soldier was home...

Your post and your commenters are always so damn good.thanks:)

9:25 PM  

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