Finally A Plan: Rumsfeld To Lead Insurgents In Iraq

Washington, D.C. - In a rare moment of bipartisanship, Democrats and Republicans are uniting behind a plan to send former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to Iraq to lead the insurgents in their battle against American troops. The thinking behind this new approach is that Rumsfeld will do for the insurgents what he did for American fighting forces, namely reduce their capacity and effectiveness while increasing casualties.

In a joint news conference, Congressman Jack Murtha and Former Secretary of State James Baker laid out this innovative proposal to the assembled press core. Said Murtha, "Rumsfeld has been a miserable failure as a Secretary of Defense. He sent our troops into battle without the proper gear and armor. He has consistently lied to the American people and his strategy has only created more terrorists, not less. The best thing we can do is send him to Baghdad and have him work for the other side."

James Baker agreed and added, "There comes a time when each individual must ask what they can do for their country. For Rumsfeld, the answer is easy. He must go to Iraq and lead the fight against our occupation. That is where his arrogance and incompetence can benefit America the most."

Assimilated Press has been told by high ranking officials at the Pentagon that this plan is gaining support from career soldiers who believe that it could lead to an American victory over the Rumsfeld led Iraqi insurgents in less than two years time.