Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Bush Says Democrats Spawned From Demon Seed

Washington, D.C. - In a combative speech delivered before a group of young college Republicans during a campaign appearance for Senator George Allen of Virginia, President Bush today outlined what he called the many reasons to vote for Republicans and not for the "other" party. Said the President, "These are the last days before the election and the future of the world hangs in the balance. The choice is simple. Republicans are for God and Democrats are Godless. Republicans are for families and Democrats are against families. Republicans are good Americans and Democrats are bad Americans. Republicans are patriots and Democrats are traitors. Republicans like puppies, kittens and bunny rabbits while Democrats want to kill puppies, kittens and bunny rabbits so they can eat them with French wine and fancy cheeses."

Warming up to the crowd, the President then pounded the podium and leaned forward as he continued, "But the most important thing of all and what you must remember when you go to vote is that God is a Republican. He is against immigration, reproductive rights, taxes, stem cell research, and protecting the environment. Now, I'll tell you what God is for. God is for the war in Iraq because God understands that we need that oil. I'll tell you somethin' else about God. God is a warrior like me. He doesn't cut and run like the Democrats want to do. He smites, and that is what I do. I am the smiter and I will continue to smite until there is no more smiting to be done."

Bush then closed by delivering perhaps the harshest comment of all by saying, "Friends and fellow Republicans, there is one more thing I need to warn you about and it's something you must never forget. These Democrats who walk among us may look like you and me, but they're not. They are not born of earthly women and men. No! They are spawned from demon seed. That is why all God fearing Americans who want to get into the Heavenly Kingdom must vote for Republicans."

As the young college Republicans showered the President with applause, Vice President Dick Cheney turned to Karl Rove and said while laughing "Now, that's my idea of compassionate conservatism." Rove then said in reply, "Yeah, between the religious nuts, Scalia and Diebold I think we've got things under control."

7 Comments:

Anonymous Makena said...

Power packed and right on!

8:30 AM  
Anonymous enemy of the people said...

the sad thing is that Virt is precisely right. The fascists really do believe this garbage.

So long, America.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous pinko said...

The National Enquirer

Man Abducted by Democrats!

Bob Delvechio, a farmer in Kansas, was out in his fields Tuesday looking for signs from the Almighty (Assimilated Press, Oct 17, "Kansas Farmer Sees Cheney's Face in Cowpie") when he was abducted by Democrats.

"They had this kinda super-intelligent look," said Delvechio, "Those Democrats were smart, I could tell just by looking, but I could also tell they weren't human. They were too smart, if you know what I mean."

According to Delvechio, the Democrats took him to a strange looking building called Campaign Headquarters "That's like their Mother-ship," said Delvechio, "it's where they do their evil plotting to infiltrate and dominate America."

Once inside Campaign Headquarters, Delvechio was subjected to weird concepts and practices. "They had this thing they called the Separation of Powers, and they kept talking about it, over and over, until my head was spinning."

The Democrats also forced Delvechio to watch as the Democrats practiced "voting", a sort of mind-meld technique where the wishes of the "voter" turn into reality.

"It was frightening," said Delvechio, "I don't care who knows it, I was scared."

After their horrible experiements were over, Mr. Delvechio was let free and taken back to his field.

"There's a rut at the edge of the field, right where their vehicle, they called it a 'import', turned around and sped away. You can still see it," said Delvechio.

Delvechio, who is recouperating at the Institute of Creation Research, said that the Democrats also tried to trick him by appearing friendly. "They offered me a cup of something called "La-tay", but I could tell it was some kind of poison that would turn me into one of them. That's how they make more Democrats."

"I pray that all good Americans stay away from those Democrats and that nothing like what happened to me ever happens to anyone else," said Delvechio, "Watch out for 'smart people', they are not what you think."

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From what I've seen on another web site, Dumbya may just try to give us all something we'll all regret...namely the Mark of the Beast!

6:50 AM  
Blogger Freudian Slip said...

Yeah, your comments here are not too far off. Bush sure preys on the innocent and God-fearing.
Matt

11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are all left wing wackos! I thought you would be smart enough to learn from the mistake America made last time, by placing ALL the majority and power in one party's hands. Now it's just going to be worsse. I admit the Republicans goofed it up and abused the power and all that. But we, as Americans, should have been smarter than that and let it happen again. Trust me, in four years, things WILL be worse.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous, we're just trying to get rid of the right wing wackos! That's been the country's ONLY problem, not majority rule (remember the opposite occured during the Clinton years). Your statement "I admit the Republicans goofed it up and abused the power and all that." couldn't be more of an understatement.

Clinton left a $5 Trillion SURPLUS, which the republicans promptly turned into a $3 Trillion DEFICIT with their tax cuts for the rich, and a war based totally on lies. I can't imagine anyone doing a worse job.

On November 8th, the conservatives were dragged kicking and screaming from the edge of the abyss. In the words of Colbert, "we were this close to Jesus comming".

10:12 AM  

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