Thursday, November 02, 2006

Brian Williams Tearfully Admits He Sold His Soul To Karl Rove

New York, New York - When confronted with a copy of a document which he could not deny signing, Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News broke down in tears and admitted he had sold his eternal soul to White House political strategist Karl Rove. Williams explained that he needed Rove's ties to then General Electric Chairman Jack Welch in order to get the coveted anchor position he now occupies,

Said Williams, "I was young and desperate to move ahead. I would have done anything. Then, Karl Rove came to me and said he could make all of my dreams come true. He pulled out a long handwritten paper and a gold pen and told me that all I had to do was put my signature on the bottom of the page. That's when I signed the document and pledged my eternal soul to Karl Rove. A short time later I received a call from Jack Welch telling me that I was going to replace Tom Brokaw."

Highly placed sources at the White House and NBC have told Assimilated Press that this explains the reason behind NBC Nightly News leading its Wednesday newscast with a bizarre six minute hit piece on John Kerry's botched joke which Williams himself admitted had no news value and was only televised to help the Republican Party on Rove's instructions. When asked directly about this, Brian Williams replied, "What can I say? I sold my soul to Karl Rove and when he says jump, I jump. It's as simple as that. Anyway, I'm not exactly alone in this. The list of people in corporate media who have sold their souls to Rove is a mile long."


Anonymous Wonder George said...

Actually, I always thought that Dumbya was Beelzebub, and Rove was his false prophet!

7:37 AM  
Anonymous enemy of the people said...

Rove didn't get much of a bargain in that sale. Too bad he didn't hold out for something useful like the Maple tree leaves in my front yard this fall.
Oh, wait a minute! Leaves are good for mulch which is good for spring planting beds. Hmmmm... Never mind.

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rove is playing the press for suckers! Journalism is a hard profession that requires courage, a sense of justice and a commitment to truth. We are not going to see that via corporate media! It's that simple! Maintain freedom on the net. Everyone can be a journalist!

3:03 PM  
Anonymous Shasta Blue said...

Karl must have a real glut
of bought souls at this point. Wonder how he keeps track of them all.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous pinko said...

KR Overstock Warehouse's Annual Giant Inventory Liquidation Sale! No Money Down, No Payments Until November 4, 2008! We Will Beat Competitors Prices - Guaranteed!

We've got the souls you've been looking for - $499.99 television anchor/compare to major network prices! Christian anti-poverty activists and environmentalists/$299.99! Print Media Journalists of All Kinds/3 for $99.99!

Limited Offer: Senator from Arizona, just $19.95/Hurry, won't last!

8:21 PM  
Anonymous keepyourheaddown... said...

We are living in the land of weenieville,the leaders are as pathetic as it gets, and everyone else is looking for thier balls, because no one seems to have any.

8:24 PM  
Blogger Gourney DetoureĀ© said...

Virt?!? Again I thought that your work was supposed to be satire? What's with this factual stuff?

Also you should install haloscan comments, check out this sadass-site of knumb-fuckers called neo-neoconblogspot, there's a regular pondfull of brill-aint minds there, but the comments rock...esp for wittle trolls...

7:18 PM  

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