Brian Williams Tearfully Admits He Sold His Soul To Karl Rove

New York, New York - When confronted with a copy of a document which he could not deny signing, Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News broke down in tears and admitted he had sold his eternal soul to White House political strategist Karl Rove. Williams explained that he needed Rove's ties to then General Electric Chairman Jack Welch in order to get the coveted anchor position he now occupies,

Said Williams, "I was young and desperate to move ahead. I would have done anything. Then, Karl Rove came to me and said he could make all of my dreams come true. He pulled out a long handwritten paper and a gold pen and told me that all I had to do was put my signature on the bottom of the page. That's when I signed the document and pledged my eternal soul to Karl Rove. A short time later I received a call from Jack Welch telling me that I was going to replace Tom Brokaw."

Highly placed sources at the White House and NBC have told Assimilated Press that this explains the reason behind NBC Nightly News leading its Wednesday newscast with a bizarre six minute hit piece on John Kerry's botched joke which Williams himself admitted had no news value and was only televised to help the Republican Party on Rove's instructions. When asked directly about this, Brian Williams replied, "What can I say? I sold my soul to Karl Rove and when he says jump, I jump. It's as simple as that. Anyway, I'm not exactly alone in this. The list of people in corporate media who have sold their souls to Rove is a mile long."