Avian Flu Outbreak Linked To Runaway Turkey

Atlanta, Georgia - The Center for Disease Control (CDC) confirmed today that there is a link between outbreaks of the H5N1 virus, or avian flu, and a runaway turkey. The turkey, named Chloe, was last seen in the Washington D.C. area on Thanksgiving Day after it escaped from the White House kitchen.

"It appears that the turkey may have had contact with the blood of someone who has something wrong with him," said Dr. Milton Ostrowsky, chief epidemiologist of the CDC. "The person whose blood came in contact with Chloe the Turkey is evidently seriously abnormal. Whatever was in his system was transmitted to Chloe, who fell ill."

Chloe, while escaping, evidently inadvertently transmitted this abnormality to other birds, sparking a worldwide health crisis. "Avian flu is scary and it has killed several dozen people already," said Dr. Ostrowsky, "but based on our data, the individual who infected Chloe has killed tens of thousands and will continue to be fatally destructive unless carefully quarantined and limited in his actions."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko