Corporate Media Renews Contract With Republican Party

Washington, D.C. - Heads of the six giant media corporations that own the broadcast and cable networks through which most Americans get their information reached a deal today with the Republican Party that will renew their contract for another four years. With some minor additions, this mutual cooperation agreement is almost identical to their last signed contract which was due to expire in just a few weeks. In return for tax breaks and the further lessening of regulations governing the oversight of these media behemoths, the companies that own ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, and MSNBC agreed to continue acting as conduits for Republican Party press releases and opposition research on Democrats.

One of the first contractual obligations fulfilled by these corporate media giants to the Republican Party after the signing of their renewal contract was to saturate network news coverage with a completely false story on Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in which she is wrongly accused of requesting a Boeing 757 luxury jet for personal and political use. Though this story has been shown to be without any factual basis, ABC, CNN and the other networks continue to report it as if it were true.

In response to being told that his story on Nancy Pelosi was a lie and nothing more than a smear being perpetrated by Republicans, Terry Moran of ABC News said "Yeah, I know that the story has no merits and is meant to destroy the reputation of a hard working Democrat politician based on innuendo and outright fabrications. I'm not an idiot. But hey, I'm just an employee doing what I'm told to do. If I didn't do it they would just replace me with someone who would. I'm not willing to give up a good paycheck for principle and I don't know anyone else who works at ABC or any of the other networks who would either."