House To Fashion Non-Binding Resolution

Washington, D.C. - In the wake of the Senate's failure to debate the possibility of a
resolution on the Iraq War, House leaders say they are determined to fill the need. "We intend to have a non-binding resolution as soon as possible," said House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD).

To aid in fashioning this non-binding resolution the House has asked Ralph Lauren, American clothing designer, to offer suggestions. Mr. Lauren had this to say after submitting his first design, "The House very much wants this resolution to be non-binding so anything that ties anyone's hands is definitely out, no cuffs, no strings. And, since its non-binding, everything is loose all around in case there is a need to expand with a few thousand troops here and there."

The non-binding resolution as conceived by Mr. Lauren has alternating red and white stripes, with white stars against a blue background. "The resolution will elicit feelings of patriotism, democracy, and steadfast resolve but as with all non-binding resolutions, it's actually very comfortable, you hardly know it's there" explained Mr. Lauren, "It's just a snazzy little something the House membership can show off to their constituents when they go back home."

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko