Almost Dead White Guys Continue Cross-Country Tour

Denver, Colorado - Like The Who, Death Cab for Cutie and Toad the Wet Sprocket, Almost Dead White Guys have an unusual name. But the songs they sing have a very different sound than current mainstream American tastes. Fresh from their national debut and after the breakup with their former lead singer, George W. Bush, Almost Dead White Guys are still looking for a style of their own that will connect with a larger audience.

With their trademark lapel flag pins and black suits, a nod to their fan base of morticians and casket-makers, the nine member Almost Dead White Guys take the stage, smiling. And they continue to smile throughout their set even though their lyrics are more violent than any gansta rap.

In "Not Movin' Out", a remix of classic Billy Joel, current lead singer John McCain, backed up by the rest of the band, shouts "We're gonna stay forever, yes forever, in Iraq-aq-aq-aq, you oughta know by now. Unless Cheney dies of a heart attack. And, that's where we'll spend all your money."

That was followed by Rudy Giuliani's solo "9/11, 24/7" a fear-mongering ode to citizens' deepest anxieties.

In "Torture 'em, Torture 'em, Then Torture 'em Some More!" Giuliani, Romney, Tancredo, Thompson, Brownback, Huckabee, Hunter and Paul set up a classic "wall of sound" with repetitive vocalizations, that, unfortunately, drowned out McCain.

Almost Dead White Guys plan to continue their cross-country tour, with bookings in most major cities, until the start of Republican presidential primaries. Tickets are available on-line through local RNC headquarters.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko