Sunday, June 03, 2007

Chris Matthews Unseemly Lust For Fred Thompson

Chris Matthews is a man who loves manly men. This predilection has led Matthews to a life-long obsession of bed-hopping from one GOP candidate to the next. His sordid tale of broken love affairs and promiscuous behavior began with his tragic long term romance with George W. Bush in which he once proclaimed, "George W. Bush and his glorious codpiece make me weak in the knees. I love his Texas swagger and his mangled syntax. Al Gore and John Kerry could never make my heart throb the way he does."

Of course, circumstances change and so to do the pitter-patters of Matthews heart as he moves from one paramour to another. After years of abuse and lying by President Bush, Matthews decided it was time for another strong and forceful man in his life and he chose Senator John McCain, a man he called his "own personal straight shooter." However, McCain's violent temper and erratic behavior quickly soured their relationship forcing the despondent television personality into another downward spiral of depression until he met his dream suitor, "America's mayor" Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani swept Matthews off of his feet as the host of MSNBC's Hardball waxed poetic for weeks on end about the virtues of the newest man in his life. Alas, this love was not meant to be. As with all of his other flames, Matthews infatuation blinded him to the many foibles of the man who stole his heart. Giuliani's betrayal of his family, his many lies and his propensity to make money off of the tragedy of 9/11 all took a toll and finally Matthews was once again left disillusioned and confused, desperately needing a manly man but finding no one on the Republican side to fit the bill.

Finally, just when all seemed hopeless, Fred Thompson, the former senator from Tennessee, ex-lobbyist and television tough guy stepped out of the shadows and Matthews, once again, was in love.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Erika said...

Matthews and his so-called colleagues aren't journalists. They are whores and this sums it up well. Whoever the Republican nominee is the MSM will embrace them with open loving arms.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous pinko said...

Good point, erika!

1:56 PM  
Anonymous DolphinSpeaks said...

Hardball should be called Matthew's Republican Love Shack.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's the appeal ? Thompson seems like a wimpy but taller version of Dick Cheney !

1:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I would have written a shorter letter if only had the time"

Is it just me or is there something strangely similar between the format of hard ball and say that WWF wrestling stuff. First off gender is terribly important to these guys and is an underlining concept in everything they do. Its as simple as telling their viewers that x behavior is weak and women like and you don't want that right, your way to well endowed to listen to anyone that is not a chiseled jawed war junkie.

These guys aren't terribly well informed or educated considering their positions in media outlets, this leaves them few legitimate weapons for public discourse so they result to what always worked for them, imply that liberal behavior is the 'feminine' behavior of society and is weak. I imagine that the average FOXNEWS viewer relates a great deal to the fear of feminine authority(oh crap! like when i was a kid!? or Married!?).

Of course the polar opposite of calling Hilary Clinton a lesbian is to make sure everyone knows that not only does Rudy Giuliani have a massive and intimidating penis that thrills women and men alike, but also that its so much larger and effective then Hilary's that Chris Mathews just wishes the Rudedog would jump and mount his face, proving to the world that not only is the Rudedog a potent male, but Chris Mathews is indeed a good boy that belongs to the protective embrace of his new found dominate male protector (my dad can be beat up yours).

I guess the other concept here is that right wing media outlets want their viewers to know that women and limp dicks can't rabidly jab at the F'ing button with their engorged member although i think Clinton probable wouldn't of had a problem and I think that the inability for the vampires to make him look impotent and feminine was one of the things that allowed him to win, even his wife was a strong leader which completely violates their weak and misguided views.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've yet to hear anything about Fred Thompson marrage to his sisterauntniecegranny or any other news about that state which has many a family tree with few if any branches.

3:06 PM  

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