Cheney Claims He Is Not Human
Washington, D.C. - Vice President Cheney today dismissed critics complaining he has subverted the law, claiming that only humans have to obey the law and he is not human. According to the Vice President, as he often goes into his garage, he is also an automobile, and therefore exempt from any legal codes and statutes.
When interviewed recently on television by Tim Russert, Mr. Cheney said, "What goes into a garage? A car, correct?" Mr. Russert agreed that, "Yes, a car goes into a garage."
"Well," continued the Vice President, "I go into the garage all the time. That makes me a car. If I'm a car, that means, obviously, that I'm not just human, I'm also part car. You see, Tim, the law applies only to humans. It doesn't apply to me."
The White House and the Vice President's office refused to disclose Mr. Cheney's make and model as this is classified information. However, one White House insider commented, "I will tell you one thing, he's sure as hell not fuel efficient."
Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko