Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Justice Antonin Scalia Endorses Torture

Ottawa, Canada - Today, while paying tribute to the fictional character Jack Bauer of Fox's hit program 24 at an international legal conference, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia gave his whole-hearted endorsement to the use of torture in extracting information and confessions from suspects.

Said Scalia, "Civil rights and individual liberties get in the way of the government maintaining control over its citizens. America needs to be more like North Korea where there is no crime and no disobedience to authority. Do you think North Korea got that way by accident? No, they got there by killing and torturing opponents who were harming their society. I have enormous admiration for North Korea. Their government has hundreds of Jack Bauers who have tortured and murdered their way into creating a society that is docile and unquestioning of power. My goal, which is shared by my fellow justices Thomas, Roberts, Alito and Kennedy, is to make America more like North Korea and programs like Fox's 24 will help to make this dream a reality."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This would be even funnier if it weren't true. It's an odd sensation to read that a judge in the highest court in the land (THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!) is advocating ignoring the rule of law because the ends justify the means.

What's even funnier is that everyone whose head isn't lodged up their posterior knows that torture doesn't actually produce viable information. So I guess they just do it for fun.


7:15 AM  

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