Cheney's Parakeet Produces Smoking Gun On Iran

Washington, D.C. - Vice President Cheney today introduced incontrovertible evidence that the government of Iran is directly involved in arming the Iraqi insurgents thus providing the Bush administration with the necessary casus belli to begin military action against the Persian nation. This incriminating evidence came in the form of the vice president's pet parakeet who he fondly calls Curveball.

Terry Moran of ABC News is reporting that high ranking officials in both the Pentagon and State Department have informed him that Curveball has provided American intelligence agencies with information that amounts to a damning indictment of Iraq's neighbor to the east. Brit Hume of Fox News is also confirming that their sources in the White House are telling them that Curveball's information is solid and beyond repute.

Though the details of Curveball's evidence remain classified and all that is known has come from selected leaks, Assimilated Press has learned that during debriefing Curveball gave a number of statements to government officials that served to substantiate their darkest fears about Iran.

Among the statements attributed to Curveball are, "Awk, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad did it, awk, awk." and "Weapons, awk, smuggled from Iran, awk, awk, in trucks, awk, carrying pistachios, awk, awk."

While these statements would appear to leave some doubt as to what really occurred, they are being characterized by President Bush and Republican members of Congress as the smoking gun that should assure the public that the Bush administration is acting in the best interests of the nation should they decide to expand military operations in the region.

In a related development, Vice President Cheney and his parakeet Curveball will be Tim Russert's only guests this Sunday on Meet the Press.