Bush Enters Witness Protection Program
Washington, D.C. - Fearing that his long litany of war crimes and fundamental violations of the Constitution and international law would eventually lead to his imprisonment, President George W. Bush has voluntarily entered the witness protection program. He has been given a new identity and a house in the suburbs of Waco, Texas. Of course, Bush's new name is top secret. However, Assimilated Press has learned that he is now masquerading as a retired marshmallow salesman.
In regard to the power structure in Washington, nothing has changed. Bush still technically retains the title of President while all of the decisions continue to be made by Vice President Cheney who is also expected to enter the witness protection program if martial law is not declared and he is fails in his bid to become Supreme Leader for life.
In an unrelated story, twenty-two Democratic senators joined with the Republicans in voting for a resolution that condemns all Americans who refuse to recite the Pledge of Allegiance when randomly stopped for questioning by government authorities.