President Bush Is A Bed Wetter

Washington, D.C. - A new shocking tell-all book by George W. Bush's childhood nanny claims that the president wet his bed throughout his entire adolescence and beyond. In fact, evidence has been produced that shows Bush's bed wetting continued unabated throughout his college years. At Yale, his problem was so severe that his fraternity brothers gave him the nickname "Pee Wee Wee" which they jokingly used to mock him about his small stature and propensity for soiling sheets.

Bush's nanny, Cynthia Johnson, said, "He was an awful bed wetter. I don't think a morning went by that he didn't wake up in his own urine. It just drove his mother Barbara crazy. Why, I remember her hanging his soaking wet sheets out of his window to try to shame it out of him. It didn't work. nothing worked. He was born a bed wetter and he will die a bed wetter."

Johnson's words seem to be accurate as sources close to the First Family have informed Assimilated Press that Laura Bush has not slept in the same bed with the president for many years due to his affliction. Laura was once heard to remark to a close friend, "You don't know what it's like to wake up next to a man who is drenched in his own piss. I just couldn't take it any longer."

When asked about this controversy, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said he could not comment out of concern for national security.