Wall Street Journal Commits Suicide

New York, New York - The Wall Street Journal today become the first newspaper in history to willingly commit suicide. This action took place during a shareholders' meeting in which they agreed to the buyout offered by Rupert Murdoch.

The paper will still retain the name Wall Street Journal and while the current editorial board will remain in place, the entire news division will be replaced with interns from Regent University who will be led by the new managing editor Karl Rove.

Commenting on the changes, managing editor Karl Rove said, "You can expect the new Wall Street Journal to have the same ethical standards and respect for the truth that Rupert Murdoch and I have demonstrated over the years."

Dozens of Wall Street Journal reporters, who were laid off to make room for the Regent University interns, held memorial services to eulogize the sudden demise of a once respectable newspaper that, in spite of its extremist editorial page, once managed to provide quality news coverage.