Sunday, September 09, 2007

Jesus Bitch Slaps The Republican Party

Colorado Springs, Colorado - Jesus Christ today released a statement in which he strongly stated his opposition to the actions and policies of the Republican Party. This dramatic development has sent shock waves throughout Washington that has left politicians, lobbyists and pundits trembling in fear for their eternal souls.

A spokesperson for Jesus who gave only his first name, John, said that "Jesus was fed up at being used as a political prop by shallow self-serving politicians without any ethics or morals and this finally pushed him to respond before these charlatans could tarnish his name any further."

In his statement, Jesus says "I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the Republican Party. Furthermore, I resent the use of my name by hypocritical politicians trying to out-god their opponents. These frauds and self-righteous impersonators of virtue are enemies of all that is good and serve no one but Satan."

Jesus then closed his harsh statement against the Republicans with a warning to the Democrats in Congress by saying that "Those who enable evil or fail to stop it from occurring are themselves guilty of the crimes they idly watch being committed."

Asked to comment on this rebuke from Jesus, President Bush, Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid all said, "No comment."

2 Comments:

Anonymous Erika said...

The area that comprises the White House, Capital Building and Supreme Court is an ethics and morality free zone. No self respecting diety would ever show her face there.

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In related news, Satan throws his complete support behind the GOP. "They're my kind of people."

kb

7:36 AM  

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