Are You Discontented? Don't Play With Matches

New York, New York - New York City fire officials have been trained to look for people who may express "hatred" of America or "discontent" with American policy. Fire officials, without needing any warrant of any kind may enter a home to check for potential fire code violations. If, in their opinion, the occupant is expressing "hatred" of America or "discontent" with American policy, fire personnel will then alert a Homeland Security agent. Nothing, of course, prevents disgruntled fire personnel with a grudge against the occupant or with a thirst for attention from supplying a little 'evidence' of their own prior to leaving the premises, especially in rental units where access can be gained via the owner without the current occupant's knowledge or consent.

What, exactly, is "discontent"? Would a verbal "I hate that bastard Bush" count? How about a notation on a wall calendar for the time and date of a peace rally? A Code Pink shirt hanging in the closet? Does a voodoo doll with Cheney's face occasion further scrutiny? What about a picture of Bush on a dart board? What about a printout of this blog?

This New York City experiment in Stasi-like informants was evidently so pleasing to its bureaucratic masterminds that similar programs will be sprouting up like noxious weeds in major cities across the country. With time the spores from these weeds will drift to towns and villages in every state. If you haven't yet stopped smoking, this might be a good time to quit.

Written for Assimilated Press by roving reporter pinko