Monday, November 26, 2007

Statue Of Liberty To Be Fitted With Cattle Prod

New York Harbor, New York - In a move designated to reflect America's shift in priorities during the years of the Bush administration to post-democratic values, President George W. Bush has signed a government edict to replace the torch on the Statue of Liberty with an electric cattle prod.

In signing this edict in a Rose Garden ceremony, Bush announced to the assembled White House press corps that "this refurbishing of the French chick statue in New York Harbor will greet new immigrants as they make they way across the Pacific Ocean and will let them know that they are welcome as long as they behave, follow precise instructions and do not engage in any behavior that goes against God or the Republican Party. As I always say 'spare the electric cattle prod and spoil the immigrant."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great idea! That way we can save the tasers for our own citizens.


7:53 AM  
Blogger America Jones said...

I'm sick of this pretend journalism. Anybody who reads the real news knows that our Glorious Unitary Executive shipped that dumb statue back to France around the time he invented Freedom Fries, microwave ovens, and the iPod. I'll take a cattle prod over a torch any day. We have a little thing here in America we like to call PROGRESS. Ever heard of it, dude?

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like that: Glorious Unitary Executive, or GUE. Pronounced "gooey"? Excellent.


10:51 AM  
Blogger Virt said...

America Jones, you are correct. The Statue of Liberty was sent back to France as you stated and as was reported here at AP in this article:

Statue Of Liberty Being Sent Back To France

As you aptly demonstrate, Assimilated Press has the smartest and most informed readers of any media outlet.

11:32 AM  

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