Sunday, August 27, 2006

Cheney Spends Vacation Clubbing Baby Seals

Miramichi, New Brunswick - Vice President Cheney, while vacationing in the picturesque Canadian community of Miramichi, decided he could use some relaxing recreation so he joined a group of local hunters on a outing to harvest the pelts of baby seals.

Using a club bearing the vice presidential seal, Cheney took to the task with relish and, in the course of the afternoon, personally clubbed to death 14 baby seals. In one particularly impressive display of clubbing skill, the vice president, with a single swing of his club, dispatched a mother harp seal that was attempting to protect her young pup. Then, with another swing of his club, he knocked the pup unconscious whereupon its pelt was removed.

Obviously pleased with his performance, a blood-stained Cheney joined the other hunters in the time-honored tradition of eating the liver of their prey as a sign of their prowess. Said Cheney, "Eating raw liver from a freshly clubbed baby seal whose heart is still beating is one of the greatest joys in the world. It just doesn't get any better than this."

The vice president is planning to turn this into an annual event and next year will take his wife and daughters along so they can make it a family affair.


Anonymous whatwhy said...

Ok, I can believe this!

6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This article neglects to mention that fellow cub-clubber, Minto Fredericton, was knocked unconscious by a Cheney backswing requiring an air-rescue. Contacted early the following morning, local police authorities could not confirm or deny that the incident took place as they still awaiting official notification.

Anonymous Too

5:41 PM  
Anonymous DoggieDaddy said...

At least it's not a gun!
Image the damage he could have done.

4:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A picture of the club with the Cheney VP seal would be priceless.

12:16 AM  
Anonymous Lemming Herder said...

I had always assumed this is what he did for fun. People get too upset when he runs over kittens with the lawnmower.

Posted by the Lemming Herder at Don’t Be A Lemming!

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The incident never happened. It's just another attempt by a radical leftist to disparage the vice president. Global warming does strange things to radical leftists.

5:25 PM  

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