Russert Performs Fellatio On Bush While Screwing Clinton

Washington, D.C. - Today, in a Rose Garden ceremony at the White House, President George W. Bush awarded NBC's Washington bureau chief and host of Meet the Press, Tim Russert, the newly issued Iron Cross and a box of breath mints for his unending servicing of the president and vice president during the last seven years.

In presenting the distinguished medal, Bush referred to the General Electric employee by his personal pet name, "Kneepads Russert," and commended him for "Always being there when Dick and I need political cover or just a simple hummer."

Also heaping praise on Russert was Vice President Cheney who said, "Tim is the pet dog I always wanted as a boy. He knows who the master is and always does what he is told without question. That is one of the reasons why the merger of the Republican Party with General Electric has been so successful."

Cheney then complimented Russert for his eagerness in following White House instructions and Republican Party daily memos in his attacks on Hillary Clinton. Said Cheney, "Tim knows that we want Hillary taken down and he follows our orders smearing her character with the same enthusiasm he displays when the president and I tell him to drop to his knees for a command performance. Yep, no question about it, Tim is our bitch and that is why he is wealthy and famous."