Constitution Declared Top Secret & Classified

Washington, D.C. - The White House announced today that, as part of its policy of classifying material that was previously available to the public, the Constitution of the United States and the Declaration of Independence have been reclassified as top secret and will no longer be available to those with less than a top security clearance. All libraries and schools must remove all copies and any references to these documents from their collections and text books. Private residences that have copies of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence must immediately destroy these documents. Failure to comply with this new reclassification directive will result in relocation to the nearest Halliburton Resort and Spa in your area.