Cheney Sets Up Shadow Government In Area 51

Lincoln County, Nevada - Through carefully cultivated sources, Assimilated Press has learned that Vice President Dick Cheney has established a government-in-waiting that is located in super secret Area 51 in Nevada. This shadow government, which goes by the name Project 51, was set up only days after Bush and Cheney were inaugurated in 2001. Its sole purpose, as envisioned by Cheney, is to provide a smooth transition to a more efficient system of government than the one created by America's Founding Fathers.

Functioning in a total media blackout and completely without any congressional or judicial oversight, Cheney and a small cadre of aids have been able to transfer vast amounts of resources and people to this desert location. Furthermore, large luxury quarters featuring an 18 hole golf course have been constructed by Halliburton and the best chiefs from around the world have been recruited, at significant expense, to cater to the culinary whims of the assembled officials and functionaries.

In addition, several entertainers, who have been provided security clearances and sworn to secrecy, such as Lee Greenwood, Toby Keith and Tony Orlando, have been flown in from their usual venue of Branson, Missouri for special command performances for Cheney who has awarded them with gold medals printed from the Area 51 treasury and promises of land grants when the government-in-waiting emerges from the shadows and takes full control.

The new American government will be structured along the lines of a corporation. Dick Cheney will be the Chairman of the Board and Chief Executive Officer. The board itself will be composed of people specially selected by Cheney and will contain many familiar names such as John Yoo, Antonin Scalia, David Addington and Karl Rove. All decisions made by the Chairman will be considered law and not subject to question or appeal.

No special office or responsibilities are planned for George W. Bush. However, he will be given an honorary title and a lifelong pension for services rendered during the transition process.