Diebold Bought By Exxon Mobil

Houston, Texas - Exxon Mobil today announced the purchase of Diebold Incorporated. The new company will be known as Exxon Mobil Diebold.

Considered a shrewd move by seasoned investors, Exxon Mobil Diebold will now be able to have greater control over fluctuations in the political market. This will ensure that Exxon Mobil Diebold will be able to invest wisely in congressional, presidential and judicial futures and will also be able to protect equity on Capital Hill in which they have placed substantial resources and planning.

In an afternoon news conference that featured generous amounts of caviar, shrimp, lobster and champagne for the assembled media, spokesperson Paul Loot said, "This is a great day for Exxon Mobil Diebold. Not only will we see the future, we will control it."